January 24, 2007
Ear Waning - The Vanishing of the Hearing Organ
Petite ear syndrome - Vacant ear complex - Fallow ears phobia
What do people with these types of hearing issues have in common? They don’t listen!
It’s a huge problem in the communication field. Listening is an integral part of the burden bearing process (Gal. 6:2). How does one bear another's burdens or learn what they might be if one only listen long enough to get to something they know how to deal with? This Scripture verse does not instruct us to solve one another’s burdens. How does one learn if one does not listen? If you don’t hear – how can you serve the kingdom in this area? In Ephesians 4:29 the Lord explains to us his purpose for our verbal communication: “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen”.
You know what happens to you when you listen? You learn, you gain understanding and you act rather than react.
There are two types of non-listeners that fully exasperate and send me moving high and to the right with rapid velocity. Stopping and evoking the Holy Spirit is the only thing that keeps me heaven bound: The “my opinion is too valuable not to be heard” talker and the equally frustrating, “I’m too busy with my own thoughts to listen until you say something that interests me” person. They usually place a big WHAT? right in the middle of your sentence and you have to repeat your words. The first type of non-listener can send me into a defensive mode. I don’t want to be on defense or offense – I’m a cheerleader for goodness sake! Getting someone’s undivided attention is a learned skill. Learning the appropriate skill is important. Screamers and yellers come from the negative by throwing the object of their intention into shock, much like a deer caught in the head lights, forcing them to listen. Effective.... but at what cost? When one person listens to another some incredible esteem builders occur. The person who is listened to feels understood they want to open up more and healing of past heart wounds begin to take place. …. "the tongue of the wise brings healing”. Proverbs 12:18b
5-5-5
Five traits to eliminate,
Five Proverbs for Wisdom and
Five solutions to hone listening skills:
(1) Assumptions - You think you know what the person is going to say so you don't listen or you interrupt to fill in the gaps.
“Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing”. (12:18)
Solution: Listen with an open mind.
(2) Bias - You let the person's outward appearance or opinions block you from truly hearing what is said.
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight”. (3:5-6)
Solution: Don't focus on any one thought or emotion that you have.
(3) Control - You feel the need to interrupt, rush, and/or correct what the person is saying.
“When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise”. (10:19)
Solution: Listen with your heart as well as with your ears remembering the importance of relationship. Maintain a relaxed, non-hurried posture that communicates that their agenda is important to you. Don't be petty.
(4) Distraction - You lose attentiveness because you think faster than they speak so you think about what you are going to say next.
“A man of knowledge uses words with restraint, and a man of understanding is even-tempered. Even a fool is thought wise if he keeps silent, and discerning if he holds his tongue”. (17:27-28)
Solution: Stay in the moment. Hang onto every word. Refrain from planning ahead to what you will say. Maintain eye contact which will help you keep focused on the person and communicate that you are with them.
(5) Ego - You put your own neediness to be the focus of attention before the other person.
“Do you see a man who speaks in haste? There is more hope for a fool than for him”. (29:20)
Solution: Work at respecting and valuing the other person. Learn to love your neighbor as yourself.
Of a person's total communication:
The actual words account for only 7%
Tone of voice accounts for 38%
Body language accounts for 55% (involves listening skill)
A pearl to string: God understands the importance of body language: "The Lord make His face to shine upon you... The Lord turns His countenance upon you and gives you peace" Numbers 6:24-25.
At Peace In His Shine and Countenance,
Lyndi
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